3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
