the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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