he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
