3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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