A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You dont lie about slip and slides
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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