Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
