I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was confusing and full of hummus
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
