DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
