I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
