the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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