you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
