clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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