I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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