My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
