I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
