i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize