I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
