we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
