I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
