What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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