I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
