Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
