just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
