I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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