cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
