I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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