So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
