Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
