Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We need to get me chipped asap
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
