i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm at about main and main street
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
