Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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