onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
