I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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