I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
