So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
