My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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