I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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