And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
