at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
