Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
