my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize