Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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