just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
