Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
