Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I won the penis lottery.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
