none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
