I feel like I'm in dance class right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
