She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
