My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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