I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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