Soap is not a condiment
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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