maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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