I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
