I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
