Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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