What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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