Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
