Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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