I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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