Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
