Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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