I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
