Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
