i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
