Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
