you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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