He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
