4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I died a long time ago.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
