Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm passing your future prison.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
