you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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