if you like me you must not know who I am
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize