Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
