She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
