I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
