I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
