i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
