It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
