I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
