Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize