I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
