i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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