you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
