What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
