I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
