I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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