I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
