I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
