so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate all girls vehemently.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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