At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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