she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
