I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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