i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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