he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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