yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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